Monday, October 22, 2007

Rude gesture prompts next sacking


After gesturing rather rudely at a reporter during a mock news conference, the second contestant has been sacked from England’s most regal reality show, “Welcome to the (Royal) Family.”

Roger Bingley, a 24-year-old performance artist, musician and poet, was sent home to Bath for his ill-mannered response to a reporter's question about when he might get a real job.

“If he were an actual member of the Royal Family and we snapped that photo of the gesture, it would be page one for sure,” said Nigel Arthur, features editor for The Independent.

“A member of the Royal Family would never behave in such an appalling manner,” said Hyacinth Marple-Holmes, executive producer. “These people simply must realise that their every action is under intense scrutiny. Members of the real Royal Family are held in the highest regard. This is no place for riff-raff.”

Later in the week, 47-year-old Gert Kellogg, an auto mechanic and part-time barmaid from Blackpool, was sacked after finishing last in the timed obstacle course through Pemberly Castle’s garden maze. Ladies were required to wear a gown, cape, tiara and high heels, while the gents had to wear breeches, a large feathered hat and high boots with a sword at their side.

“That bloody stupid gown kept getting in my way,” Kellogg said. “Who would wear such a ridiculous getup anyway? I need a pint.”

"I felt just like one of the Musketeers," said Peter Thistle, a 51-year-old skilled decorator at the Wedgwood Factory in Stoke-on-Trent. "I know they were French and all."

Challenges awaited contestants at various points within the maze. In one spot, they had to serve tea and cakes with one arm tied behind their back. At another point they were instructed to mount a horse and ride (side saddle for the ladies) blindfolded for several metres.

“I’ve always been a bit afraid of large animals, but at least I didn’t fall off,” said 64-year-old Penelope Pringle, a curator at the Royal Albert Museum in Exeter. “I rather enjoyed wearing the fancy dress, though.”

The next day, 43-year-old Melinda Bennett, who runs a stall selling handmade papers, fine stationery and cards at the Ayelsbury Market, was eliminated after fainting during an unveiling ceremony for a rather graphic piece of art.

“I wonder what ol’ Chuck would have done, eh?” said 49-year-old Douglas Simms, a lorry driver from London’s East End.

“Oh my goodness,” said a rather red in the face Mary Willoughby, 33-year-old manager of a riverfront restaurant in Cambridge. “That was rather embarrassing, wasn’t it? I can’t imagine Queen Elizabeth having to do that with such a rude thing. Oh my goodness.”

Programme organizers made no apologies.

“There’s a lot at stake here,” Marple-Holmes said. “These people simply must act in a manner befitting a Royal at all times, no matter what the situation.”

Grand prize is £50,000 and an invitation to a posh royal do at Windsor Castle.

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